[Yes, that is my unbelievably handsome husband in that pic! How did I get so lucky?]
When we first start dating, the man of our dreams seems to take priority. If you're anything like me the world would stop when Scott called or texted or even just wanted to hang out. I would change my plans to make time for him (especially in the early stages). Literally ALL my free time was spent with Scott. A great example of this is that one time when we got married. Did I ever tell you that story? No?!
Well, here it is in a nutshell:
Scott asked me randomly (and very casually) on a Thursday morning at the end of January if I wanted to get married. Of course I said yes. He then left to pack a bag for our trip. A few hours later he returned to my apartment, bag packed & car running. He turned to me and said, "are you sure you are okay getting married without a ring?" To which I replied, "haha of course. I love you!" he then got on one knee and said "good, cause I got you one anyway!" and pulled out a gorgeous diamond ring! I cried, I kissed him, said goodbye to my sister and hopped in his car.
Our plan was to get married in a courthouse in California and honeymoon on the beach, but it was pretty stormy that January evening and so we stopped in Vegas. The next morning as we were walking around and random man named Marvin stopped us as we were putting money in the parking meter and asked if we wanted to get married (he made commission off the couples he took to the Chapel across the street). We took it as a sign and got married 5 minutes later in shorts & t-shirts and then hit the road for California!
There is a part of me that wishes our marriage license didn't say "Las Vegas, Nevada" on it because eloping in Vegas is just very cliche. But it was all very spontaneous and romantic and I really loved every minute of that adventure!
[out to dinner at a restaurant on Santa Monica pier--first meal as a married couple!]
Fast-forward a few years.
We now have a great and adorable (almost 1 year old) little boy. Everyone has different priorities and things they put above others, for us it is David.
He is the center of our universe. You may not see anything wrong with that, and maybe it works for you. But what I've realized over the course of our marriage is that it really doesn't work for us.
David is always going to be very high on the list of priorities, but my husband needs attention too. Scott would never admit that I don't give him enough attention, however just by comparing & contrasting between the beginning of our relationship and now, I see a huge difference.
I know I am not alone. It's actually a common joke that after the kids come your sex life even diminishes. They say that the first year of your marriage you put a penny in a bucket every time you have sex and then after that you take a penny out every time but will never be able to empty the bucket even if your marriage lasts 50 years. (I wrote a post last week about restoring your sex life after kids that you can check out as well).
Of course, sex isn't the only aspect of a relationship that goes on the back burner after we have kids. And it's not always kids that take the number 1 slot. Sometimes it's our jobs, or the housework, or our hobbies, etc. Being aware is key. Pay attention to how you treat your husband and put his needs first. Put don't the phone or iPad and listen to his stories (even if you've heard them a million times lol). Maybe choose his favorite restaurant this Friday instead of the kids'. And remind him how important he is to you as often as you can.