In a previous post I talked about why you shouldn’t try to change your husband. I explained how important it is to accept him as he is. While I wholeheartedly agree with that, I think there are some behaviors that should never be accepted let alone tolerated. For example, what happens when he mistreats you? or isn’t living up to his role as a provider? or does something wrong?
Here are 5 best practices for changing your spouse:
1. Be disappointed when he does something wrong, but do not lose faith in his better side. Remember, you believe him to be capable of more.
2. Tell him what you expect of him. Having these expectations will imply you have a high opinion of him that he is not living up to and he will be motivated to meet those expectations.
3. Do not criticize him, use a positive approach. Criticism actually reinforces bad behavior.
Ex.) His mindset: “Well she already thinks I’m always late so it’s not a big deal if I’m late again this time.”
4. Compliment him. Genuine compliments have far more power than criticism.
Ex.) If you want your husband to listen more, the next time he does listen to you talk about your day be sure to pay him a compliment. Tell him how great it is having a husband to talk to when your stressed about work. Praising him for this will motivate him to listen again, whereas criticizing him for all the times he does not listen has the exact opposite effect.
5. Ask him to change in a feminine way
Ex.) Would you consider…? It would help me a lot if you would…?