One of the biggest fights in our marriage was the concept of acceptance. My husband never felt that I loved & accepted ALL of him.This thought was ridiculous to me. Of course I loved all of him. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t.
The reason he felt this way was because I kept trying to change him. I’m never overly critical, but I made sure to always let him know when he did something I didn’t agree with. I always vocalized my disapproval, mainly because I didn’t want the action to be repeated. What I didn’t realize was that this did more harm than good. I was just pushing him further away…
Now, I am not at all saying that you should tolerate every bad habit and never speak your mind, but I think it is important to fully accept your husband as he is, flaws and all.
Why changing him won’t work.
Oftentimes, we see so much potential in our spouse and set out to “help” them reach that potential. The problem is that when we set out to remake our husbands it doesn’t come across the way we want it to. It comes across as a criticism more than a helpful suggestion. This can lead to contention, hurt feelings, and/or a lessening of love. Imagine, any insecurities you currently have and then realizing those are exact things your spouse doesn’t like about you either. How would that make you feel?
On top of everything else, by telling him what to change or how to do it, we are restricting his freedom.
Freedom is something that both my husband and I value very much. No one likes being told what to do. For me, being told what to do has the exact opposite effect–it makes me NOT want to do whatever it is that I am being told and, honestly, makes me resent the person ordering me around.
You want him to change? Accept him first, flaws and all and realize that no change will be made unless it is one that HE wants to make. Accept the fact that he may not change. They say love is blind and I believe it. True love is blind to a man’s faults. Focus on the positive attributes and you both will be much happier!